My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
