just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
