me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
