I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
