why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Small penises have feelings too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
