TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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