Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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