You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
