does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
