Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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