take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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