i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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