We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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