i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
