I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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