What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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