Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
