I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
