i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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