It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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