My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
