Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
