If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
