I hate your face
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize