I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
4 words: hood of his car
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
