i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
