Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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