just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize