5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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