why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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