I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
