Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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