Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
