he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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