So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
