I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
