Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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