As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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