Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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