I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
