thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
