I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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