That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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