I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
