Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Vodka?
Forever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
