Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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