Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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