dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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