What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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