After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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