Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
