ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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