I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
