So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
