Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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