Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
