Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
