i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
