I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
