A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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