i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
