Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
