I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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