my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She needs sedatives and a leash
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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