i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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